I’m going through a bit of a hard time with back chat at the moment.
Not my own back chat which is clearly hilarious and witty; I’m talking my three kids taking turns in the fun game of “Who can piss Mumma off the most with back chat.” Current score board; Maclean 299, Molly 412 and Memphis 247. Even the Husband has decided to join in the game with a low non podium standing score of 87.
Back chat is a constant source of mummy having to take anger management issue classes in my mind. These classes take place in a field of sunny flowers and have Adam Levine ( = leave pass) from Maroon 5 talking to me in a strangely effected French accent. I pretend I have no issues in anger or his nudity and he leaves his ridiculously hot model wife and we run off into the sunset.
Anger issues = gone.
I digress…I’m not sure if it’s my age or parenting style, but I do believe children should be pretty well behaved and not be the future stars of Most Wanted TV shows…sure the notoriety of having a famous child would have its benefits, but I would prefer their fame and fortune to come from winning either an Academy Award or a Gold Medal at the 2028 Olympics. Both of these talents would ensure I get to be the inappropriate old lecherous mother they take to their celebrity filled events.
Again I digress.
I’m not sure if it’s just their age or if in fact I’m suddenly faltering with my parenting in the discipline arena. Simple and harsh demands like “brush your teeth, eat your dinner, come inside, do your homework” are constantly met with moans and little quips that make me feel all hot and flushy. I find myself having the strange desire to back chat the 8, 6 or 5 year old back chatters which really doesn’t help matters. My maturity level tends to decrease with each comment and I have to sometimes remind myself that I’m actually the parent.
I know things will only get worse once the kids learn the art of argument and their hormones (both theirs and mine) kick in. I know that day will come and I’ll look back at these days with a wistful sigh and a longing for more of the things I complain about now.
In the whole scheme of things, my children are absolute little Rock Stars who are amazing 90% of the time. To be honest, I should be grateful that the other 10% allows me to have a nude French speaking lead singer help me with my anger issues. That’s a win right there and a pretty good reason to go and start an argument with them.