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The Swearing Kid

What do you think…?

The Husband and I don’t really swear in front of our kids.

Inside my head though, I’m a potty mouthed monster. Split syllable swearing is an absolute favourite and mumbling “little truckers” tends to get me through those tear your hair out moments of frustration.

It’s amazing what will make me become internally expressive;

Lost shoe = check
Complain about the food = check
Hair brush moaning = check
Lost clothing = check
Fighting = check
Whinging = BIG check

The list is endless.

Resistance to my internal ranting is tough, but teaching my kids the appropriate use of the word “F&CK” is definitely not an avenue I want to travel down.

Imagine my surprise a few weeks ago after athletics. We just had 90 minutes of run till you drop and were all seat belted in the car.

M2 pipes up with

“Hey Mum, you know that naughty word that’s in that song Cake by the Ocean?”

“Yes” I reply nervously

“M3 just told two little boys to ‘get back into that word line”

I nearly swerved off the road in my confusion.

How could my tender hearted 5 year old say such a thing?

“And that’s not all” she continued “She said it to my friend as well – that word off”

I’m not a fan of dibber dobbing at the best of times, but this was an exception to the rule.

The swerve turned into a fully blown car stop so that I could turn around with resting bitch face to talk to M3.

“M3” I ask, “did you say that to those kids?”

“Nope…I don’t even know the word because M2 is lying”

Now M3 can ordinarily BS with the best of them, but this time she gave herself away by trying to shrink into her seat like she was wearing a Harry Potter inspired invisibility cloak.

We sat on the side of the road and had the whole “we don’t use words like that’ conversation while that word was repeating itself non-stop in my head.

I was horrified and strangely impressed that she had twice used said ‘bad word’ in the right context, but my feelings of mortification far outweighed any misplaced pride.

When we arrived home there was a tremendous amount of tears when I put M3 on the phone to explain to her father about her poor choice of words.

Her reason for doing so? A child in her class had been teaching her and one of her friends the different uses of the word.


I phoned M3’s little friends mum and gave her the heads up in case her daughter used it as well. Without giving the game away completely, this mum said that she found it funny when her daughter used ‘the word’ and it was no big deal.

Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm……………………….okay then.

So, I have nothing left to say about this.

I’ve never thought a kid swearing was funny. I’m sure there will be a time when they’re adults (or even teenagers) when the potty mouth tiger will raise its ugly head. Up until that time though, I’ll be swearing like an absolute champion in my head and flipping my kids the bird behind their back at every opportunity.

Does that make me a hypocrite? Sure. But I’m old enough to know the appropriate times and the repercussions of saying “F&CK” out loud – like any time I’m alone in my car and someone cuts me off.

Yup. Appropriate times like that.

What do you think?

4 thoughts on “The Swearing Kid

  1. Lol!! Love this post. As funny as it is, I think it raises good questions about swearing & parenting. Personally, I don’t find it funny or cute when I hear children swear (in context or not). I always remind my kids that swear words are grown up words. There’s a real art to knowing where, when and with whom it is ok to share these grown up words. In the right setting, sometimes they’re the only words that will do, lol. But for kids, nah. Not a fan.

  2. Love this! I think it is so trashy hearing children swear and even trashier when the parents condone it!

  3. I have no doubt my kids swear like sailors when they’re only with their friends, I did, but they’re learning about time and place, it’s an important lesson if you’re going to be a contributing member of society

  4. We have that conversation with our teens .. their “friend” language isn’t allowed around Tom .. they forget when telling stories but right time right plane is so true !

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