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Please don’t offer me parenting advice

I love it when people offer me parenting advice.

And if you didn’t understand the level of sarcasm in that statement, please… I implore you, stop reading my page as we can no longer be friends.

Truth be told, I didn’t mind advice when I was pregnant from well-intentioned folk;
“You must get pain relief” (I did – I had gas)
“You can’t get pain relief” (screw you and your dopey advice)
“Don’t eat cheese” (didn’t with my first, a little with my second and smashed every soft cheese around with my third)
“Don’t drink wine” (didn’t with my first… can’t comment publicly without being mum shamed during preg 2 and 3)
“You must breastfeed” (I did)
“You should Bottle feed” (I did)

Blah blah blah…

I didn’t even mind the advice from people when all of the babies had finally vacated the vag;

“Feed them at 6 months”
“Feed them at 4
“Don’t co sleep”
“Co Sleep”

It goes on…

rash cream, sleeping patterns, reading, foods, preservatives, behaviour training (seriously – WTF!) and even how to dress my kids.

I’d even go so far as to say, you should actually listen to everyone when you’re pregnant or a new mum.

I’m not saying act upon it – more like throw it into a blender (not that bloody Thermomix $2000 one though as it turns everything into risotto) blend, lay it all out on the table and then choose whatever works for you.

BUT…now that my kids are fully functioning (at school and can wipe their own freaking bums) PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD – DO NOT offer me parenting advice.

I figure if the Husband and I have survived being parents to this point, we’re ok without your opinion 😘

I’m certainly not saying my kids are perfect angels. Truth be told, they can be absolute little a-holes at times. But you should know that we’re the only ones allowed to make that comment or indeed tell them how to behave.

So if you ever feel the need to give me parenting advice or even criticise my kids… please – and I say this with respect – check yo’self

“Check yo’self” says the gangsta mid forties suburban housewife 😂🖕


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