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Keep your sanity – leave them all at home!

Want to keep your sanity as a Mum? I highly recommend some time away from your husband and kids.

I’ve just had 8 days in Bali and it was blissfully incredible for my addled mum brain.

I’ve had a few parents say to me:

“oh I could never leave my wife/husband/kids for a week as I’d miss them too much”

while others have have been

“OMFG, you lucky Bitch. I’m coming next time”

Can you guess which group are my friends and which group are the ones I want to give a little forehead slap to while yelling “BULLSHIT” at the top of my lungs?

Seriously, how on earth couldn’t you love having some time to yourself?

Let me tell you the reasons why it was amazeballs and therapeutic for both my sanity and well-being:

๐Ÿ˜ it was freaking sensational remembering that I was an adult and a strong-assed woman who wasn’t ‘just’ a mother.
๐Ÿ˜I had a room to myself, a spa bath on the balcony and a full sized bath inside.
๐Ÿ˜Not a GOD DAMNED washing machine or kitchen in my vision
๐Ÿ˜I could say “FUCK” whenever I wanted
๐Ÿ˜My BFF and I spoke about everything and anything UNINTERFUCKINGRUPTED!
๐Ÿ˜Nobody asked me where their clothes, sock or shoes were.
๐Ÿ˜I wasn’t woken up by the husband poking me in the back.
๐Ÿ˜I could watch whatever crap tv show I felt like
๐Ÿ˜I read books (glorious books!) without stopping during every sentence to answer questions.
๐Ÿ˜There wasn’t a single piece of snot on anything I had with me.
๐Ÿ˜My teeny tiny hangover was something I could enjoy all by myself.
๐Ÿ˜Laying by the pool was relaxing – not one child doing fucking handstands yelling “Mum WATCH ME I’M AMAZING”
๐Ÿ˜No ironing.
๐Ÿ˜No fighting
๐Ÿ˜No unflushed poop in the toilet!
๐Ÿ˜I was Fiona or Miss Fiona and not a single person yelled out “MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM”

It was farking awesome and I loved it.

I was so pumped I was randomly singing songs like “I am woman” by Helen Reddy “Run the World (Girls) by Beyoncรฉ and “Roar” by Katy Perry. My voice sounded like shit but I was all over the whole female empowerment song thing.

By day 4 I was singing alcohol enhanced songs like the holiday favourite “Kokomo” by the Beach Boys, “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” by the fabulous Cyndi Lauper, some really strange boy band songs that I haven’t sung since the 90’s and humming along to Tequila by the Champs.

It’s not that I didn’t miss the kids or indeed the husband, I missed them terribly

By my last day I was just really looking forward to getting home to my family. I felt relaxed, stress free and completely ready to be loved up. I arrived home while the kids were at school to find some “Missed you/love you Mummy” drawings and I thought my little selfish holiday loving heart would burst.

The husband had done an amazing job with the fambam and I was as chuffed with him as he was with himself. He’s still waiting for his 212 blow jobs that I apparently now owe him, but he’s happy enough just knowing they’re in the bank.

It was a bit of a love fest last night and again this morning with the kidlets. M2 told me I was a better mum than dad was – which I felt happy about until I realised she was simply referring to my ability to make dinner and school lunches ๐Ÿ–•๐Ÿ˜˜

It’s been 30 odd hours now since I arrived home and I’m back into the swing of things. The only small change? I remembered how freaking lucky I am – I have a husband that I actually genuinely love and three kids who are pretty bloody awesome. On the flip side, it also helped them remember how frigging awesome I am at being a Mum ๐Ÿ˜œ

So…if you want to join the Relaxed Mum Family Appreciation Society; might I suggest going away with one of your BFF’s, have some cocktails, feel the sun on your face and enjoy the sand between your toes?

It worked for me and I’m pretty bloody sure it’ll work for you.

So go on… go and sprinkle some freaking holiday magic fairy dust onto your life


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