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I Need A New Book Title

Help needed!

I was thinking about writing a book called “Hapless Hints for the Slapper Boozehound Mother” but realised that

a) it’s probably not a great title
b) I’m probably the last person you’d go to for advice
c) I have no actual decent hints aside from:

Sometimes your kids will be a-holes

Sometimes you’ll be an a-hole

Sometimes your husband/partner will be an a-hole

Sometimes other Mums will be a-holes

Your neighbour can hear you yelling so a low death stare and arm pinch can be just as effective

Wine is a great substitute for everything

Vodka is a great substitute for everything

Housework is overrated

You need at least two friends you can ring and cry to. These friends should also just respond by saying “they’re all a-holes, I’ll bring bubbles”

Your kids will love you no matter what.

Trackie dacks and ponytails are suitable attire

Sometimes you’ll cry/laugh so much that you’ll piddle your pants

Losing your shit doesn’t make you a bad mother – It makes you a normal mother

Your love for your family is all that really matters

Hiding in your wardrobe/pantry/car to eat chocolate is perfectly acceptable

You’ll gain weight and your boobs will droop. Just tweak yourself a little lower and all will be well in the world

When all else fails, lock yourself in the loo for a time-out while you’re waiting for your friends to arrive with booze

That’s pretty much it.

That’s a book right there yeah? There’s at least 2 pages if I double space the list 😂

Any other hints I’ve missed?

Let me know xx


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